The Night I Met Jack

The Night I Met Jack

The Night I Met Jack

I remember the night I met Jack. It was sometime after 1:00 a.m. on November 30th, 1999. Christina and I had been hanging out after work at the downstairs bar at Penang’s, a Malaysian restaurant on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. The bartenders there treated us well. Was it free drinks, extra booze, or engaged conversation? It’s hard to recall, probably a combination. The restaurant closed at 1:00 am, and Craig invited us to meet him after work at a bar down the street. We went ahead of Craig to Peter’s on Columbus Avenue between 68th and 69th streets. I was warm from the Cosmopolitans and didn’t notice the cold November night. The taxis and cars whirled past us. 

Christina had a crush on Craig, but Craig had a crush on me.

Craig walked in and breezed past us without a glance. Christina pulled her sad puppy dog face. “He’s ignoring me,” she whined. Craig was talking to a couple of guys – one of them was Jack, my future husband.

I was pretty sassy back then. I walked up to Craig and said, “Hey, Craig, you walked right past us. Is that any way to treat your friends?” I teased.

Craig, with his blonde rockabilly hair, smiled at me, his grin wide. “Hey, meet my friends, Andrew and Jack. Jack’s in the band RoxVox.”

They both said hello, and I immediately had a visceral reaction to the tall man with splotchy blond streaks in his dark hair. His skin was pale and effervescent. My heart fluttered, my gut tightened, and a smile painted my face.

“Oh, cool. Well, nice to meet you guys.”  I said nonchalantly. “Say, do you want to dance?” I said to the man named Jack.

He smiled and spoke with a British accent. “Where are we going to dance?”

“Outside on the street! I have a boombox with mad bass. We’ll throw a dance party on the street.”

The three men grinned. “Sure!” They said, like obedient dogs.

I pulled my boombox out of my handbag and expanded it to half my size. “Could one of you carry it? It’s always a bit awkward when I have to do it myself.”

“No problem,” the British guy said to me. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Sure, I’ll have a cosmo,” I said, locking my eyes with his.

“You’re gorgeous,” he said, his sultry voice luring me. I blushed.

We had a couple of drinks at the bar. Poor Christina was sitting at the end of the bar, nursing her drink, looking down, and concentrating on her drink. Poor self-pitying, Christina. She’s missing out on a good time.

“Hey, Christina, come join us!” I encouraged, keeping an eye on Jack, as he would never leave my sight now.

Andrew said, “I’m ready to dance with you, babe.” I glared at him.

“I have a name. Don’t call me babe.”

“Sorry. Yes. I just got carried away,” he said solemnly.

The five of us walked out of the bar, drinks in hand. Jack carried the boombox. I like him, I thought to myself. We got outside, and I put on the beats. Kenny Loggins’ “Footloose” blasted out, and Christina and Andrew started dancing. Blood rushed to my cheeks; so embarrassing.

“Oh, that wasn’t supposed to be there! That was a joke from a dance class earlier.” I switched discs. This time, it was Moby. Moby I could groove to. I started dancing with Jack. He was a fierce dancer, and the three others stopped and watched us. Soon, the 2:00 a.m. crowd circled around us, drawn in by the music and the energy of our impromptu street performance.

Someone from an apartment above yelled out of the window, “If you don’t shut up, I’m calling the cops.”

Jack turned down the music.

“Hey, let’s go back to my place and order Chinese food,” said Andrew, his corkscrew curls bouncing on his shoulders.

Jack looked at me. “Are you coming?” His almond-shaped eyes mesmerized me. I smiled at him. “Sure, I’m game, but I don’t want Chinese food.”

“Yeah, me neither. I never eat and drink,” he said to me, a slight smile parted his lips.

I folded the boombox back into my bag, and we started to walk down Columbus Avenue to Andrew’s place. The air hung heavy with the scent of damp concrete and a hint of cigarette smoke, the remnants of a bustling evening fading into the quiet of the late hour. The night air was crisp and biting, carrying the faintest whisper of the Hudson River in the distance, mingling with the earthy coolness of Central Park just a block away. I was tipsy and twisted my ankle on a curb in my 4” heeled boots.

“Ouch!” I said, leaning down, rubbing the pain away. “I don’t know if I can put pressure on it,” I said, discouraged.

The three men all said, “I’ll carry you!”

I looked at the three of them: Andrew with his salt and pepper corkscrew hair, Craig with his Colgate smile, and Jack, perfect in every way. “Sure, thanks, Jack,” I jumped on his back, and he carried me to Andrew’s place. I rested my head on his broad shoulders; his leather jacket cooled my flushed cheeks. 

Christina was lagging behind, whining. Poor Christina. “Wait for me!” She complained.

We arrived at Andrew’s apartment. Jack set me down gently, and I smiled up at him. We sat down on Andrew’s L-shaped black velour couch; the air hung heavy with the scent of stale cigarettes. Jack brought me a drink from the kitchen and sat beside me. 

Christina sat down next to me on the other side. “Craig’s not talking to me. He doesn’t like me. Will you talk to him?” she pleaded.

I leaned into her and answered quietly, sympathetically, “Go talk to him yourself.” Christina moped and took another sip of her drink.

Jack put my hand in his, and I felt an electric jolt of energy, like the start of something I couldn’t yet define. I felt a connection to him, one that would never leave me. The rest is history.

Battling Your Demons: A Tale of Overcoming Depression

Battling Your Demons: A Tale of Overcoming Depression

Battling Your Demons: A Tale of Overcoming Depression

My life! What has it become? How can one have enthusiasm when they’re depressed? Enthusiastically depressed? Oxymoron much? But that’s just it; I can’t change my underlying temperament just because I’ve lost the will to live. Yes! I’ve given up! I’ve tried for so long, but I keep stubbing my toes on the obstacles.

I’ve tried climbing my broken ladder, but, honestly, it’s hard when every other rung is missing, and, well, I’m afraid of heights. I have so many fears, you know! Yes, they’re quite stifling. I find it’s best to stay in one spot, lest something were to happen if I were to move, but then who is to say this spot is safe? I could be a bull’s-eye target. Who is watching? I can’t live like this, though; it’s paralyzing. Can you imagine being enthusiastically emotionally paralyzed?

It’s not easy. I was looking for a reset button. Is it somewhere in my subconscious, or is there an actual button, yet to be discovered? What if it’s on my roof? What if it’s buried in the backyard? I’ve done all the things one is supposed to do when depressed. I’ve watched videos and read books about subconscious blocks. But when I meditate, I only see darkness in a frame of bright colors. The darkness is stuck between the colorful frame. Shitty, right?

If it isn’t obvious, the darkness is the depression trapped within the colorful enthusiasm. You might be asking yourself now, can’t the colorful frame quash out the darkness? It seems so easy, but alas, it hasn’t worked for me. I’ve tried journaling, and my journal loves the superlatives. It doesn’t matter what I do, the darkness pervades. I’m going to sit here now and plan the most stupendous, outrageous self-inflicted killing; it will be grand—my biggest act yet—and yet, the final act.

Suddenly, the room spins, and a tall man with salt-and-pepper hair and an angular nose shadowing a thin mustache appears. This man is wearing a scarf that says, “Deviling is my day job.” This is quite exciting; I’ve never seen such a sight. His short hair is waving from the breeze left over from the room spin.

“Who are you?” I ask with delight. Maybe my prayers have been answered.

“Hi there, I am Tom.”

“Hi, Tom,” I say as I sit on the edge of my sofa.

“There’s been a mixup here,” he says, then mutters to himself, “this can’t keep happening, I’m going to have to talk to Dom about this.”

“A mixup?” I say with zeal.

“Is your name Dixie of 123 Any Street?” he asks. He cocks his head to one side and looks at his palm; he has handwritten notes on it.

“No, I’m Trixie of 123 Any Place,” I say, emphasizing the word place.

“Oh yes, that’s what I was afraid of. It seems there’s been a mixup. Dom really needs to improve his handwriting. We’ve been controlling the wrong person. I don’t have a Trixie of 123 Any Place on my list. This was definitely for Dixie of 123 Any Street. Sorry for the mixup.” And Tom snaps his fingers and disappears.

I look around and see the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, and the internal joy that will not relent is beaming within me.

A Joyless Search

A Joyless Search

A Joyless Search

SETTING: A cluttered living room. The furniture is slightly askew, cushions are out of place, and books lie open on the coffee table. A step stool is in the corner. All the lights are on, casting a bright glow over the chaos.

TIME: June 2025

AT RISE: PENELOPE stands on the step stool, peeking behind the bookcase. ROGER is on his hands and knees, looking under the couch. He scoots across the floor, lifts the cushions one by one, and peers behind them. PENELOPE moves the stool to the window and climbs again, peeking behind the curtains. ROGER moves to the coffee table, flipping through books and lifting knickknacks. PENELOPE walks over to ROGER, lifts the back of his shirt, and ruffles his hair.

PENELOPE

(Frustrated) Can you see her?

ROGER

(Stopping, earnest) No, I can’t.

PENELOPE

(Sighing) I can’t either.

ROGER

(Flustered, a little out of breath) I’m looking everywhere. There’s no sign of her.

PENELOPE

(Stepping back, shouting) Joy! Joy! Where are you? Come out, Joy. Come back to us!

ROGER nods in agreement, searching half-heartedly now.

PENELOPE

(Sadly, looking at ROGER) I can’t find Joy anywhere. Maybe she really is gone.

ROGER

(Putting an arm around her) She might be. There may never be joy in our lives again.

PENELOPE

(Looking down, shaking her head) I can’t imagine we’ll never see Joy again. This is too much. This is so sad.

ROGER

(Slowly nodding) Yes. It’s joyless. We are without Joy. There is no Joy here.

PENELOPE

(Resolute) We can’t just accept this, Roger. I can’t stand not having any joy in my life.

ROGER

(Sighing) I know. But we have to face facts. Joy is not here. Joy is gone. Forever.

PENELOPE starts fixing the cushions on the couch. She sits down heavily. ROGER follows suit, fixing the cushions beside her. He sits next to her and puts a hand on her knee.

PENELOPE

(Speaking softly, staring into the distance) I can’t imagine. We must have joy in our lives. What are we going to do without Joy?

ROGER

(Shrugging, looking at her) I don’t know.

PENELOPE looks up at ROGER, then slowly turns to face him. She takes his hand.

PENELOPE

(Musing) Maybe… maybe we should find more ways to bring joy into our lives. Let’s go to the bedroom. Let’s have sex. Let’s try to make a baby. We can name the baby Joy. That way, we’ll bring Joy back into our lives.

ROGER

(Smiling) Why go to the bedroom? We can make Joy right here on the couch.

PENELOPE

(Laughing, playfully hitting him) Oh, Roger, you sly fox. You know I could never do that. No, we’ll make a new Joy in the bedroom.

ROGER

(Smiling mischievously) What if she comes back?

PENELOPE

(Resolute) We need to face facts. The old Joy is gone. All we have now is the chance to make our own.

ROGER

(Chuckling) It’s a good idea, Penelope. But what if the baby is a boy? We can’t have Joy then.

PENELOPE

(Shaking her head) Don’t be silly, ROGER. Joy is not gendered. Joy can be a girl, boy, intersex, or non-binary. It doesn’t matter. We will bring Joy back to us no matter what.

ROGER

(Hugging her tightly) You’re right. It doesn’t matter what Joy looks like. We just need Joy back.

PENELOPE

(Smiling, standing up, and taking his hand) Come on. Let’s go.

They exit hand in hand, leaving the messy room behind.

BLACKOUT



If it Were My Last Meal

If it Were My Last Meal

If it Were My Last Meal

My last meal would definitely include pizza. I wish I had made pizza tonight. I can’t remember the last time I had great pizza. Oh, yeah, it was a white pizza with pesto, grilled chicken, and roasted tomatoes.

I’m really not happy writing about food. Why was I put on this Earth? As a human? Nobody told me on that cloud that if I chose to be a human so I could wear cute shoes, that I would need to eat and have enjoyment eating! What was it like back then? Was it even a cloud? It could have been a star. That’s more like it. So, on my star, I could definitely… not see all the people enjoying food, crying, and dying from lack of food, wasted food, burnt food, raw food, dirty food. It’s a world obsessed with it.

And does that mean that the world revolves around humans? What does an ocean crave? Doesn’t the ocean feed off of the animals and sea life living within it? What about the Earth? Does it ingest what lives upon it? I think this might be flawed thinking from the humans. Is it my retrospective thoughts? Living on this Earth, remembering my life before food on my precious star?

“Your questions are burning. So deep, I never thought of it like that. But really, it’s not easy to be thinking of such profound questions when I’m so hungry. Your wit is sharp and your language garlicky, but I’m afraid I have to say no. No, I don’t agree. Now, you may not agree with me, and that’s okay, but what’s not okay is that you were fighting the urge to enjoy your last meal. Don’t tell me you’ve never liked food with its velvety, rich textures and tastes. This is an unreasonable statement on your part.”

Oh, you are asking questions. That’s right, but really, your tactics are slimy and if I were to give them a color, it would be avocado green, not to be confused with split pea soup green, which in and of itself is rather pukey looking. But what we have provided for you is the most delicious pizza, and surely even you can’t deny the aroma of the yeasty crust, the pesto sauce. Ooh, the grilled chicken. You what? You refuse to eat?

“I shall push it back. It’s very possible we can make you eat that, and if you don’t ingest it by mouth, we’ll blenderize it and shoot it into your veins like TPN.”



The Escape Closet

The Escape Closet

The Escape Closet

“If I leave, will it go away?” You’re sitting on your king-size bed with the polka dot duvet set  while I go through your clothes. It’s been raining all morning, the sky is grayed out, and your room is dark, so your bedside light and the floor lamp cast a soft glow. You light a candle on your dresser, and its soft lavender scent gently fills the room. Spotify plays Daily Mix 4, with Saint Motel, The Strokes, and Phantogram. “Dance Yrself Clean,” by LCD Soundsystem, is inspiring us. Your closet is color-blocked by category: every shade of blue tops, blue bottoms, and blue sweaters on the shelf above. I pull out a stack of skirts hanging in fives. Your hands can’t clip them back on the hangers anymore, so we’re moving them to a drawer.

“I hope you can escape. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? To start over fresh.”

You lean back against the pillows, grabbing one to hug. Your closet is immaculately organized, but the furniture tops are gathering clutter. Ah, too bad, the first sign, I thought to myself.

 I hold up the first hanger with five skirts. First, the yellow and blue striped one, “No, too big.” The denim skirt with the zipper and button, “No, I can’t do that button; it’s too tight.” The A-line navy blue pleated skirt. “No way, look at all those buttons! Soon, it’ll all be elastic waistbands. But if I ever go out in public with sweatpants, will you shoot me?” You rest your elbows on your thighs and rest your head in the cup of your hands. 

“Hahaha, nice try. What about this teal and black lace one? It has an elastic band waist,” I suggest. The sun poked out behind its cloud and streamed through the window, highlighting your face.

You scrunch your nose, “I haven’t worn that in 10 years. Is lace in or out this year? I stopped keeping track.” 

“You know better than I do. Do you still watch Project Runway?” 

“No, do they still make that show?” 

“I have no idea. No matter. So… is it in or is it out?” I ask in my best Heidi Klum accent, holding up the lace skirt. 

You cast aside your joyful pillow and hug your knees tight.  “I guess I should keep it. After all, I can pull it on and take it off myself.” 

“Yeah, that’s practical,” I say. 

You scrunch up your face. You never wanted to be practical.

You scan the closet; you see puff sleeves, circle skirts, bright patterns, kitschy patterns, polka dots, and stripes. “What will happen when I go away?” You rest your cheek on your knees.

“You aren’t going anywhere. We’re just decluttering your closet, getting rid of the things that don’t serve you anymore. There’s no reason to have these things in your closet if they don’t work or fit.”

“But I don’t want to get rid of it all. That’s so depressing. These clothes are a part of my history.”

“If you really love something, then put it in a storage bin; you can always sort them out later when you’re ready.” I smile at you. There’s no rush.

You stand up, reach for the lace skirt, smile, and say, “Maybe I’ll wear this to my doctor’s appointment on Monday.” You fold it and put it in the drawer. “It won’t wrinkle, will it?”

“Wrinkles are OK, they’re better than struggle, right?” I say, reassuring you as best I can.

“Yeah, no more chaos. I just want ease now.” You walk over to me and hug me. “Thanks for being here, I love you.”

I hug you back, “I love you, too. I always will.”

“Me, too, always.” You rest your head on my shoulder.