Regrets Only, Please

by Lyza Fennell | Dec 11, 2024 | Playwriting

Regrets Only, Please

Characters:
SABRINA: A woman in her late 30s/early 40s, anxious and eager.
TELLER: A woman in her late 50s/early 60s, world-weary but with a dry wit.

SETTING: A stark, minimalist office. A single desk sits center stage with a sign reading “Regrets Only.”

AT RISE: SABRINA enters through the office doors, rushing and out of breath. She spots the “Regrets Only” sign and approaches the desk where the TELLER is sitting getting ready to leave for the day.

SABRINA: Woo! Hello? Is this the Regrets Only desk? Am I too late? I hope not! I regret not leaving my house earlier. Traffic on the 405 was lamentably packed, as usual. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself.

TELLER: (Sighs) I regret to tell you that I’ve already shut down my computer.

SABRINA: (Dismayed) No! Please, can you turn it back on?

TELLER: No, sorry.

SABRINA: Well… how about writing it on a pad of paper? You could put it in the computer tomorrow?

TELLER: (Annoyed and impatient) Sorry, lady. I’m trying to get out of here. I need to get to happy hour at the Rueful Roast. I can get half-price on my steak dinner.

SABRINA: (Subdued) Oh, I’m sorry. Look, you won’t regret it! I’ll pay the difference. I really need to get this off my chest before it’s too late.

TELLER: Well, if you’re offering, I’d prefer the Joyful Jambone. I love French food.

SABRINA: Sure, that’s fine! I really need to get this down before it’s too late. I’d be so disappointed.

TELLER: Sure, sure. I’ll just record it, okay? (Pulls out a mini recorder)

SABRINA: (Relieved) Wonderful! It all started with my diagnosis. It made me realize everything I took for granted and how much time I wasted. I figure if I hadn’t wasted half my life being bored, lounging about, watching mindless TV, cleaning my house from top to bottom every week… I might have been further along.

TELLER: (Concerned) Oh yes, sounds like you have a lot to regret. You’ve come to the right place. (Leans down and opens a drawer in her desk, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of iced tea) Pick your pleasure, and don’t regret it. If you choose the whiskey, you throw caution to the wind. If you choose iced tea, you’ll respect your body. It’s sugar-free.

SABRINA: Oh, well, that whiskey is tempting me, but I don’t want a hangover.

TELLER: You won’t get a hangover. I’ll tell you when to stop. That’s the trouble with regretful people. They overthink and overdrink. One drink will help break the cycle of regret, please. Don’t worry.

(SABRINA nods, and the TELLER brings out two glasses and pours the whiskey. They lift their drinks.)

TELLER: To life.

SABRINA: I regret not coming here sooner. I’ve been so ashamed of my regret in a world of positive people with wonderful lives.

TELLER: It’s a fallacy. Look at my book. (Pulls out a very thick book) The world is full of regretful people. But it isn’t too late for you because you’re here. That’s a start. And tomorrow, you can do one thing… and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t. It takes baby steps to break the cycle of regret, but I can help you.

SABRINA: Oh, I’m so relieved. But can I tell you about my regrets?

TELLER: There’s no need.

SABRINA: Yes, I think there is!

TELLER: No, believe me. It does no good to go over all the things you regret.

SABRINA: Really? Wow. Well, I feel better knowing that. Bottoms up!

(They toast and sip their drinks. SABRINA sits back and envisions her new world.)

BLACKOUT

A Tangle of Keys and Kisses

by Lyza Fennell | Nov 9, 2024 | Writing

A Tangle of Keys and Kisses

This experimental triptych presents three short stories intertwined through variations of the same core sentences. Each tale shifts in tone and perspective, weaving together humor, competition, and absurd drama while remaining anchored by shared pivotal moments.

Story One

Trixie climbed to the top of the dome and screamed, “I found the key!” Jan and Bill cheered; now they would be able to get into the storage room to get the tools they needed. Susan was mad. She didn’t want Jan and Bill to compete; she knew it would be a bad idea. Still, Trixie climbed down from the top of the dome, walked over to Jan and Bill, and said, “Good luck. May the best person win. And whoever wins gets to take me to bed.”

Jan and Bill looked at each other and smirked. Jan licked her lips, and Bill tapped his feet in a little dance. Suddenly, Susan squirted Sam’s hot dog with red, juicy ketchup. Sam looked at Susan, astonished at her audacity.

“What are you doing, Susan? I always put the relish on first, then the onions, then the mustard, and then the ketchup!”

Susan blushed. “Sorry, Sam. I got a little excited once I realized we are going to do this thing. I haven’t had such an exciting event since the last time Dick Clark did the New Year’s countdown.”

Everyone walked over to the racetrack, and Jan and Bill ran through the finish line at the exact same time. It made history, and everyone would talk about it for years.

Story Two

Jan and Bill ran through the finish line at the exact same time. It made history, and everyone would talk about it for years. Susan looked at Sam and said, “What do you think they’ll do? Will Trixie have to sleep with them both?”

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess they’ll have to decide that.”

Susan rolled her eyes at Sam. He never committed to anything.

Trixie walked over to the dome. She climbed to the top and screamed, “I found the key!”

Everyone looked up at Trixie and gasped.

“Trixie, get down from there! Throw away the key, and don’t let them find it. You’re asking for trouble,” shouted Susan.

She started frantically packing hot dogs into their buns and placing them in a line on a plate. She searched for the ketchup bottle, finally finding it on the ground. Picking it up, she wiped off the dirt. Suddenly, Susan squirted Sam’s hot dog with red, juicy ketchup.

Story Three

Suddenly, Susan squirted Sam’s hot dog with red, juicy ketchup. Sam looked at Susan intently, picked up the mustard bottle, and squirted Susan’s hot dog with golden, spicy mustard.

Susan laughed. “Oh, Sam. You do make me smile. I love the way you squirt my hot dog with mustard. Hey, should we take our hot dogs into the house and find a bedroom?” She winked at Sam.

He threw down his hot dog, grabbed Susan, and kissed her, right in front of Jan and Bill.

Jan and Bill could not believe their spouses were smooching in front of everyone. They ran through the finish line at the exact same time. It made history, and everyone would talk about it for years.

Susan and Sam snuck off to the bedroom and locked the door. Jan and Bill stopped celebrating and got everyone’s attention.

Everyone started looking for the key. They searched high and low, far and wide.

Trixie climbed to the top of the dome and screamed, “I found the key!”

Everyone cheered, and Bill ran over to Trixie. “Throw it down!” he said.

Trixie tossed the key to Bill.

“You’re not going to do anything crazy, are you?” she asked.

“I’m going to kill them. They humiliated me.”

Bill ran toward the house with the key, and Jan ran after him, jumping on his back and sending him to the ground.

“Bill, I can’t let you do this. You’ll regret it.”

“Get off me, Jan!” Bill shouted, struggling beneath her.

Trixie ran over with a shovel and hit Bill over the head. He passed out—or died.

“Shit, is he dead?” Trixie asked.

“God, I hope not, Trix. Why’d you do that?” Jan asked.

Trixie replied, “Because I’m pregnant with Bill’s baby, and he said he wasn’t going to leave Susan for me.”

Accountability Act I, Scene One

by Lyza Fennell | Nov 7, 2024 | Playwriting

Accountability Act I, Scene One

Act I, Scene One

Scene: Outside the institution

SETTING: EXT. GRASSY AREA OUTSIDE AT WHISPERING PINES – DAY

AT RISE: VANESSA and PRISCILLA sit on the grass. VANESSA scratches at her arms, her gaze shifting around the grounds.

VANESSA
(Smiling, but with a hint of strain) It’s such a lovely day out.

PRISCILLA
A perfect day for dreaming… at Whispering Pines.

VANESSA
Where all your dreams turn into nightmares.

They laugh, but it feels a little forced. The laughter lingers, almost desperate, before fading into an uneasy silence.

VANESSA
(Distressed, scratching more) Five years, three months, two days… I can’t take this anymore. I keep saying it’s too much!

PRISCILLA
You reek of desperation, you know.

VANESSA
(Bitterly) Desperate to get out.

PRISCILLA
I’m right there with you. (Noticing Vanessa scratching) Hey, you’re doing it again.

VANESSA
(Dropping to the ground, rolling in the grass) I just want to roll away… like I’m not even here.

PRISCILLA reaches out to help her up but hesitates. She kneels next to VANESSA, her voice soft.

PRISCILLA
Come on, Vanessa. It’s time to go back inside.

VANESSA
(Murmuring as she stares at the sky) No, this is the moment. It’s right here. I’m meant to get out, slip away… before they even notice.

PRISCILLA
(Looking around, nervous) They’ll notice.

Enter MRS. MARBLE, briskly approaching, carrying a small tray with two pill cups and two syringes. Her voice is cold, calculated.

MRS. MARBLE
Vanessa, Priscilla… back inside. Now.

PRISCILLA
(Standing defiantly) One day, I’m going to be on a real stage, far away from here.

MRS. MARBLE
(With a mocking smile) Yes, yes, Priscilla. You’ve told me. (Turning her gaze to VANESSA) And you, Vanessa, don’t start with the dramatics.

VANESSA
(Stands abruptly, eyes darting around) You don’t get it! The red line… it brought back all the memories. They said it wasn’t there, but I saw it. I know I did.

PRISCILLA steps closer to VANESSA, trying to calm her, while glancing nervously at MRS. MARBLE.

PRISCILLA
(To MRS. MARBLE) Can’t we just have our twenty minutes?

MRS. MARBLE
(Pulling out a small cup of pills) Time’s up. Take your medication, Priscilla.

VANESSA sits back down, hard, glaring up at MRS. MARBLE.

VANESSA
Nobody listened. They never listened. (Voice cracking) She wouldn’t go.It wasn’t my fault… it was never my fault.

MRS. MARBLE crouches down, her voice cold and patronizing.

MRS. MARBLE
(Quietly) Vanessa, your seams are showing. You’re late for your medication. Take these pills, or I’ll have to take more… drastic measures.

VANESSA picks at a blade of grass, putting it in her mouth. PRISCILLA hums softly, the effect of her medication taking hold.

VANESSA
(Leaning toward MRS. MARBLE, whispering fiercely) You can’t stop me. None of you can. I love every twist and turn… even the unknown.

MRS. MARBLE, unmoved, pulls out a syringe and jabs VANESSA. VANESSA’s body slackens, her eyes closing as she chants softly.

(Voice trailing off) This sucks. This sucks. This sucks.

BLACKOUT

Synopsis

Accountability is a raw and compelling exploration of trauma, control, and the search for freedom within a family fractured by emotional abuse. Vanessa, a teenage girl institutionalized at the oppressive and surreal Whispering Pines, navigates its challenges alongside fellow residents Priscilla and Cameron. Under the watchful eyes of Mrs. Marble and Dr. Clinician, the teens fight to maintain their sanity and sense of self. Flashbacks reveal Vanessa’s fraught relationship with her father, Sean, and expose the generational cycles of trauma and emotional volatility that shape their world. Sean’s therapy sessions lay bare his struggle to change, wrestling with the push and pull between love and anger. Vanessa’s yearning for freedom, intertwined with her mother’s difficult choices, underscores a narrative steeped in resilience, cycles of abuse, and the fight for self-identity in the face of overwhelming odds.

What are your thoughts on Vanessa’s journey in Whispering Pines? Share your reflections or what resonated most with you in the comments!

Would you like to see more scenes or learn how the story unfolds? Let me know!