What is the purpose of keeping a dead battery?

It’s a reminder that you need to buy new batteries. It’s a reminder that you don’t have a working carbon monoxide detector. It’s a reminder that you could die of carbon monoxide poisoning, and when people find you, they’ll say, “If only she had replaced the battery.” It’s a reminder that you ignore important things. It’s a reminder that you haven’t cleaned your desk since last week. It’s a reminder that you should see if they have rechargeable 9-volt batteries. It’s a reminder that you could see if the detector works when the battery isn’t in it. It’s a reminder of why you didn’t already try that. It’s a reminder that you should do your to-do list again.

Dead batteries left on your desk are a great way to remind yourself to replace the battery.

It’s true. If you threw it away or rather, recycled it, you would forget all about it. You know that saying, “Out of sight, out of mind.” But then it just becomes part of the desk, so it’s best to move it around every once in a while.  I’ll start my to-do list again.

To-do lists help me stay on top of tasks.

That’s great. How long have you been doing that?

Oh, I haven’t started…well, I started a while ago, but then got busy and forgot to keep doing it.

So, are you starting/using it again?

Yes. Okay. You don’t have to judge me.

I’m not judging you.

Yes, you are. I can tell by the way you’re writing and that sideways glance you make. That is your judging look.

“Judging look?” You say that like there are others.

Oh yeah, you have lots of looks. Your judgy look is look number 23.

What is the point of a literal crisis?

I don’t think there’s a point. It’s a result. The point is that obviously, the person is having a very hard time. The point is that maybe you should have checked in with them already. A literal crisis is when a person always…lives in crisis mode, and they literally have a crisis. The point is that this is not a “thing” crisis. It’s an actual crisis. The point is somebody needs some help, and this is our clue to get out of our own heads and jump into action.

A literal crisis helps you feel like everything is peachy keen compared to a literal crisis.

It helps you break down so you aren’t hiding it all anymore. You might not agree, though, because some people might really clam up. You never can tell with literal crises. I suppose it all depends on the who, what, where, when, and how. You know, sometimes they’re a good clearing of things, and sometimes it means you’ve hit rock bottom.

What is the point of a rebound trampoline?

What is the point? Well, I’m sure there has been a segment about it somewhere. I imagine Richard Simmons had a rebound trampoline workout. Everything Richard Simmons does has a point. My doctor said to get exercise whenever I can. Rebounding is supposed to reset you…get it? Rebound…reset. We’re doing it again. The point is if you bought one, you should use it.

Rebound trampolines are a great way to get exercise.

They’re convenient if you leave it in the kitchen, so when you go past it, you can just jump on it for 30 seconds or something. It’s much better than anything else because you can do it barefoot, in a dress, in your pajamas. You don’t have to turn anything on. You can…you can’t say that about anything else, can you? No way.

Why do you have a rebound trampoline in your kitchen?

It’s great exercise. I was just reading about it. It can actually help change your mood. I needed to get one after my literal crisis. It was awful. I mean, it was my daily. I don’t really even know what happened, except I stopped writing my to-do list, and I fell so behind on my tasks that I forgot to eat, clean, pay bills, shower, do yard work, and check on my family. I never knew a to-do list was such an important thing for me. I mean, sometimes you don’t realize until you hit rock bottom. But the to-do list literally kept me from having a literal crisis. You know, it may have also been a result of carbon monoxide poisoning. Yeah, I was in the hospital. They said it was a good thing I went outside when I collapsed. So, the first thing I’m putting on that to-do list is buying a new 9-volt battery for my detector. It’s a silent killer, they say. I know this firsthand…well, not literally, because I didn’t die. I survived. But I think that lack of oxygen kind of sent me into a crisis…a literal one. Yeah, the literal one. Oh, it was awful. It’s a good thing I went outside because I felt guilty. I don’t think my neighbor knew what to do. And why do people call the police when someone’s having a crisis? It’s stupid, really. They don’t have the training and education for it. Unless you’re lucky. But I wasn’t lucky that day. Well, I’m never really lucky unless you count all the days I didn’t have carbon monoxide poisoning or a literal crisis. Yeah, I guess those are lucky days. And if I look at it from that perspective, then I guess I’m the luckiest person alive. And that’s why I have a rebound trampoline in my kitchen: You have to live life by the moment, take it day by day, and jump for joy, literally.